My dear friends...you must cut me some slack this month because my kidney tests have gotten a little worse recently and I am kinda anemic (But I still run my house, and don't you other dogs who live there forget it!!!). So I am going to update a column I wrote for you back in 2006, when I told you how to get your people's attention so that they get you good holiday gifts this year, instead of those stupid things that people get for each other. You know the kind of dumb gifts I mean - things like a triple-chrome-plated and monogrammed nose hair remover, or a six-pack of spatulas, or a kit to grow mushrooms, or...well, you get my drift. Not that we care if humans give those things to each other!! In fact, now that I think of it, if they did, they might find time to get better gifts for US.
So please go, right now, and get your human’s attention however possible (growl, purr, wag your cute little butt, dig your claws in their leg, whatever it takes!) so that they read this column. This is really for your benefit, so that you do not get one of those simply AWFUL gifts for the holidays that makes you want to say “You shouldn't have!” - and really mean it.
*ahem* DEAR PEOPLE:
I am going to list MY top picks for good holiday gifts for the pets you love.
IDEA #1: Ask your human to buy a good pet book that has recipes in it for home-made pet food, so that they can sometimes fix us the same fresh food that THEY get to eat. Remember my column last month where I gave you some book ideas? Tell them that if they click on the books I told you about it takes you straight to one of the places where you can buy them, without them even lifting their butt out of the chair where they are sitting as they read this! Surely they have to realize that eating even a good quality dry or canned food is like eating 100% balanced breakfast cereal every day. Remind them that most pets LOVE fresh food!
IDEA #2: If you are a senior ANYBODY, why not ask your owner to get you a senior health panel as your big holiday gift? You will remember that I talked about my own blood tests this summer, and told you what you needed to get checked and why. If you are older than 7 years of age, you need to get this done NOW. The information your human will get could save your life. Remember, I AM ALIVE TODAY because my Mama got me a blood test and found out that I had a bad kidney problem due to leptospirosis, before it killed me. I wasn't even acting sick!
IDEA #3: I, personally, would like to encourage you to ask your humans to promise to give you a nice long walk every day (OK, maybe they can take one day a week off, but they should try to walk you every day if they can). Especially when we get a little old and arthritic, there is nothing better for you, my friends, than a good brisk walk every day!
IDEA #4: Trick and Treat remind you that they are KPR kitties who have been at Knollwood an AWFULLY long time and they REALLY want to go home with a special someone for the holidays! They are very tired of spending so much time in their big cage here and want to be able to entertain you with their teen-age antics, to cuddle with you while you watch TV or listen to music, and to be your dedicated watch-cats. Please, tell your people to look at our KPR page to see a picture of these kitty-boys who need a loving home!
IDEA #5: A day in the dentist’s chair visiting our dental specialist, Dr. Papacek, isn’t exactly a spa visit, but it is SO nice to go home with fresh breath and gums that don’t hurt! So whisper in your person’s ear to take a look at your teeth. If those teeth are yellow, or if your gums are red, you are OVERDUE for a good dental cleaning, and, my friend, I want to tell you that this is one of the best holiday presents they could give you. Why? Because keeping your teeth and gums healthy can add YEARS to your life.
IDEA #6: Are you perhaps not as fresh as you could be? Do you have that bed-head look going? Why not drop a tasteful hint to your human to take you to a groomer for a nice bath and fluff-up? If your human doesn't know any groomers, tell them to go to the "Our Favorite Things" section of this website to see a list of who our clients like to have groom their pets (we keep a list of groomers who are nice and gentle).
IDEA #7: Are you an older gentleman? Is your owner? (If he is, he already knows where I am going with this, I bet!) If you are a senior canine, you really need to make sure that you have your prostate checked regularly if you are not neutered. Your vet will need to put on a glove to do this. I will not say more, except to say that it is really, really important to get this checked regularly.
IDEA #8: Instead of some icky, calorie-laden, artificially colored and flavored pet snack, ask for some REAL treats. I personally like things like dehydrated liver chunks, chicken jerky, and those dehydrated sweet potato treats. And raw baby carrots, too! I asked my kitty Emmett and our KPR kitties Trick and Treat what they like and they said to not forget liver chunks for them, too. And maybe some canned sardines on occasion, or a single fresh shrimp. Emmett says to tell your human to not be ashamed to ask for just one or two shrimp, either - tell that person at the fish counter that Dr. Mitchell does it all the time for her kitties!
IDEA #9: Here is a great idea for a gift that you will love (but won’t get to use till summer). Does your owner know about the cool boat cruises that they can take with you on the Chicago lakefront? You and your owner will meet a lot of other nice pet-loving people and you'll have a great time seeing Chicago from a new vantage point. Enjoy those summer lake breezes, and don't forget the Dramamine!
IDEA #10: And if you are still feeling sociable after that, convince your owner to take you to a White Sox game on their Pet Game Day next summer. The Sox have one every summer, and it’s a nice opportunity for you and your owner to share a beer, a bratwurst, (well, maybe you shouldn't share the beer, but hold out for the brat!), and a great time in a great ball park. I wish the Cubbies had one of these...that’s MY favorite team! We even have an autographed picture of Ron Santo right next to Mom's desk - Ron, can you ask the Cubs to have a day like this for your canine fans?
From your good friend Lizzie, best wishes for a wonderful holiday season full of all the things that please you and your humans the most. For myself, I'm gonna ask for some new blood cells so I am not so anemic and so I have more energy! Stay warm, and I'll check in again in 2009!
