OH MY, it is awfully cold to be running outside to bark "Go Bears!!!!" every ten seconds or so. But I have to bark clear down to Miami, and I snuck into my Mom's office one night last week to climb up to her computer so I could do a Mapquest search, and I found out that Miami is a long ways away. So now I make sure to bark extra loud and extra long and extra often, and I sometimes persuade Sofia to help me. She has a good deep scary bark, being a Bull Mastiff (I confess I'm a little shrill, but I make up for it in volume). Mom is getting a little crabby about all the noise - she says she is trying to prepare lectures - and I am seriously starting to question her Bears spirit. Oh, dear, no one cares about sports like a Cairn Terrier, I'm afraid.....
I'm trying to remember my other point about the cold. OH YES!!!! Don't go there! Into the cold, I mean - not for very long, anyway. Did you know, dear friends, that your little ears, tails, and other delicate unmentionables can freeze in as little as 5 minutes in the cold weather we are currently experiencing? That when it is as cold as it is right now, hovering in the zero to ten degree range, that the wind makes it really more like 15-20 degrees below zero? Tell THAT to your owner when he wants to drag you out on a walk around the block! You just make sure that if you go on walks, you are protected. Wear a nice warm coat, and keep your feet dry.
Now I know what you're thinking. You're rough! You're tough! You don't need no stinkin' coat! And boots? Come on...... But here's what I want you to think about, my dears. If you are older - or if your owner has, in a moment of delirium, decided that you look SOOOOO cute with your little face or behind or toes shaved by a groomer - then you'd better button up. And maybe boot up, as well. And if it's your dopey owner who is thinking that HER tough doggie doesn't need no stinkin' coat, then I want you to send her outside for a nice long walk with no clothes on! She'll be running to the pet store to buy you a coat just as soon as her frozen fingers can hold the car keys, I guarantee it!
Now, buckaroos, here's what I recommend, as to coats: You need to steel your owner up to the fact that you may need more than just one. Does SHE own just one coat? I didn't think so! Let's start with the basics. You do understand, my dears, that if you are low to the ground and the snow is high, that you will be up to your doo-dahs in extreme coldness and wetness? And is that good for your doo-dahs? No, it most definitely is not! So you must persuade your owner to take you to a store where you can actually TRY ON THE COAT. I repeat: do NOT let your owner flip some tacky little pre-packaged polyester thing into her shopping cart, bring it home, and expect you to wear it. Remember, dears: we are in Chicago. It is cold in Chicago. If it won't keep HER warm and dry, it won't keep YOU warm and dry. That's why I like a nice thick synthetic fleece coat, because even if it gets a little wet, you'll still stay warm. I, myself, have a nice attractive one, long enough to cover my delicate and somewhat low to the ground underside.
And PLEASE make sure that your owner is quite clear that one size definitely does NOT fit all. If you are built like me - or even more so - please know that there are companies that make coats especially for what I like to call exceptional builds, even if you are really low and long. Look at some of my Basset friends. Could they wear a regular dog coat comfortably? NO - their doo-dahs reach into the next county, and they must have a nice long coat to cover them. If you buy them a regular big dog coat, it doesn't fit right. Now, Basset owners are already used to ponying up to treat those ears and eyes and other Basset issues regularly, so it doesn't seem like a stretch that they would want to buy a nice-fitting coat for their lovely. But I tell you, I saw a Basset at the clinic yesterday in some cheap rag with the tackiest turtleneck.....the way his jowls hung over it made me think of The Donald. I can't imagine what his owner was thinking! And the color? It was enough to make me retch. Oh wait - maybe that was the cat's breakfast that I climbed up and ate that morning.
Ooh! Or greyhounds! They make special coats to fit their exceptional bodies, too. And speaking of dogs like greyhounds, remember that if you have a very short coat, your WHOLE BODY is at risk of frostbite, so you must be extra-careful. Do you know, my dears, what happens to parts that get frostbitten very badly? Those parts die and eventually fall off. Yes! It's true! I know a beautiful little cat who is one of my Mom's patients who was a stray before she found her wonderful new home. She has little tiny rounded ears like a bear cub. GO BEARS!!!! GO BEARS!!!!! (Sorry. I got excited again. It's hard to stay focused when you're a terrier....). Anyway, the reason her ears look like that is because she lived outside and they froze right off. I think she is beautiful anyway.
And speaking of bad frostbite, my Mom still remembers a Beagle she saw years ago, a sweet little 7 year old male. He came in to see her because he was limping. Well, the reason he was limping was because all four feet up to his wrists and ankles were in the early stages of dropping right off because they had been frozen. His stupid owners made this sweet boy sit outside all day while they were at work. "But he has a doghouse," they said. Now, my friends - we are dogs and cats, and we certainly realize that an unheated doghouse won't stay warm if the wind blows into it, or if the floor or bedding in it is wet, or if it sits in a low part of the yard so that rain and sleet run into it, or if it is too big for us to keep warm with our own body heat. So why can't humans figure this out? I go to pet stores with my Mom a lot, and we see so many badly designed pet shelters, it makes me shudder! (And yes, I am sad to tell you, our sweet Beagle boy had to be put to sleep, because he was losing all four feet. He licked my Mom's hand while she put him down. True story. She still cries when she thinks about that one. And then I get very sad, too.)
OK!!!! GO BEARS!!!!! GO BEARS!!!!! I need to cheer up. That was too sad. But I think you need to know what can happen. And I bet you won't forget it, either. So let me tell you about what else you might need. If your person is one of those "likes to take long walks in the rain" types I read about in the personals ads, then you must insist - simply insist - that they get a waterproof coat for you. I know, I know, it's a bad habit reading the personals ads, but it's good for a laugh when you're feeling sad, and it's less of a vice than sneaking the cat's food all the time. Oh, wait - I do that, too! Anyway....yes, they do make nice waterproof coats for dogs - I have seen some stunning ones with a fleece inside, which is especially nice. In fact, I have one. But don't forget that layering works well, too. If you are a Bedlington, not that I am picking on you (I am sure that some of you must be smarter than the ones I have met), remember that it is the waterproof one that goes on the OUTSIDE, not the INSIDE.
And if you live in a home that has the thermostat controlled by someone going through a delicate time of life, such that they are always asking "is it hot in here?," then you know darn well that you are going to be the cold one! So you may need a light little set of sweaters for indoor use. Notice I said "set." That means more than one or two. This is because you don't want to be wearing the same sweater for days on end. It isn't healthy. They should be washed regularly, and please, no fabric softener for our delicate skin. Besides, no one, not even your owner, would smell their best if they wore the same sweater everyday. And need I remind you that you will need extra brushing to fluff up your fur and prevent the heartbreak of flaky skin, if you wear a sweater all the time?
Now, as to boots. These are controversial. Yes, they look stupid. But they can be functional, and stay on your feet and not get lost on the first walk you take wearing them, if you are careful about fit and where you buy them. And yes, if you live in an area where people use a lot of salt and other chemicals on the areas you have to walk, they are maybe a good idea. Those chemicals are bad for our feet and even worse if we try to lick them off. My Mom sees dogs every winter with chemical burns on their feet and lips from this stuff. But she also sees dogs with sore legs from boots that were too tight, or rubbed, or got wet and were left on too long. So you have to tell your person that they need to be as careful about fit and dryness as if they were picking boots out for themselves. Especially if you need to be careful not to slip on ice, like dogs who have had knee surgeries like me (did you read about my knee surgery last year? I wrote about it and it is scintillating reading, I must say...) those boots are maybe a good idea.
So there you have it, my friends: Liz's picks for winter wear. Now, I love you all, but I simply must get back to barking encouragement to my Bears. I will love them even if they don't win the big game, but I have a lot of dog treats riding on the outcome.....
GO BEARS!
GO BEARS!!
GO BEARS!!!
GO BEARS!!!!
Lizzie's post-game analysis: I was so excited after that first 92-yard, 14 second touchdown, that I almost swallowed my chew toy! But then, my Bears started playing like they had been suddenly neutered, and I knew it was over. Like one announcer called it: the passing of Manning, the catching of Addai, and the rushing of Dominic Rhodes was too much for my Bears....but I'll be waiting for next year!
